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Senza Amanti

by Meaner Pencil

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1.
Lisa's Knife 04:02
sweet as meat lithe as worms round her blade the whole house turns and I...love Lisa's Knife a passion for her friends love for her lovers but a passion for her friends and I...love Lisa's Knife ooooooooooo ooooooooooo ooooooooooo be it animal or mineral or ever so humble there's no place like home
2.
In the place where you grew up the houses all burn down In that town. In the town Where your father dressed the dead girl you hated all his words, now they're in your head So you buy your gin at the five and dime then you all stand around in a parking lot for a good time N*E*B*R*A*S*K*A And it's not that I was raised to look down on folks like you just maybe not to look you in the eye you know, sex has a way of seeping through Nebraska I was awfully in love with you.
3.
Bar-fly turtledove my long lost love I pushed your skull open with my thumb to try and read the thoughts inside but I can't read you anymore Bar-fly turtledove my long lost love I used to feel you wake up across town my third eye opened with your two now I can't read you because You drink the wine and I crash the car you drink the wine and I crash the car you drink the wine and I crash the car Bar-fly Turtledove
4.
In the Past 02:45
In the past I sang to you only to you (only to you) and I liked it (and I liked it) In the past I looked to you only to you (only to you) and I liked it (and I liked it) Truth be told I looooooooooooooooved it In the past I sang to you, only to you (only to you) and I liked it.
5.
Did they raise you in a barn? No, they raised you in a church. How much fire hurts? How much fire hurts? Is that how much dispassion hurts? There on fresh cut grass lies my husband's beating virgin heart calling to me across the miles dead old men have stolen all your fire Only twelve white buttons stand between me and your shivery flesh and the words of men who died so long ago dead old men have stolen all your fire I would love to steal it back for you; fight that knight, and find I've cut your soul in two. Later I cried unexpectedly on the train, and across my thirsty lips breathed your H-less name.
6.
Burn me right all through the night and may eye whites set my soul to rights All hearts are true I'll put my faith in you oh cause my heart's gone dark I need your spark When I came to the city I had money on my mind I had money on my mind I had money on my mind And I think what I wanted was to learn to be unkind was to learn to be unkind was to learn to be less kind, but Singing in the subway some hearts were in my hands But, singing in the subway some hearts were in my hands and An old man from China thought he saw me, singing there you know, sad lady laments, there, in 1952. and we've come so far from where our hearts are (and we've come so far from where our hearts are) When I came to the city I had money on my mind I had money on my mind tiny pennies on my eyes So burn me right.
7.
Love's Loss 05:58
If Love Ties me to the bed, again If Love Muddies up my head, again: Then love's loss, love's loss is not my loss If Love keeps me from dreaming If Love keeps me from singing Then love's loss, love's loss is not my loss If Love keeps me from writing If Love keeps me from fighting for my real needs Then love's loss, love's loss is not my loss I'll tell you a secret lean in close: I WANT MY WHOLE SOUL WHOLE SOUL TO MYSELF and love's loss, love's loss is not my loss.
8.
Rosa wanted stars in her milkshake Thadeaus said that he would try he dusted off a dumpstered bottle of ten year old rosewater poured it on the creamy chocolate shake It tasted like soap, like stars, and like soap no stars above us. Only grimy Brooklyn sky. I walked to Union Square with ten thousand good people and a thousand assholes were marching too like a herd of frightened sheep shepherded by a wolf pack I saw them pick a delicate girl from the crowd But then I saw it two thousand hands a speaking circle like a sea anemone Joe Crow says young people come to new york for the the darkness I didn't ask him what it was he meant by that.
9.
Historian tell the tale of Andrew Jackson, dead and grinning in his circle of ignorant men ruling from the barrel of a gun I built a time machine to go and fight him found him waiting on a windy hillside with pistols ready in western Tennessee I could not kill my foe I put a bullet in him though his left shoulder aches in the rain, awful you know, fire hates the rain He haunts me in revenge I see his boots walking this platform and his grey woven eyes stare up from the papers I need to survive Conqueror John may bind him feel them wrestling in the dark I smell sulphur, see sparks, they're fighting over America's heart/
10.
On the road alone for two long months in the fall everyday broke cold and new On a clumsy quest to scrounge some art for myself scared of what I had to do But then when night fell they would take me in to the house And they would show me where the bathroom is and the couch And they would feed me something green to eat And before long I would fall asleep in strangers sheets Amber and Moriah were roommates at Cleveland Arts Karaoke, Kundera and Cat Piss Rugs They let me stay with them for three days longer than we'd planned when my next host turned out to be an unreliable man they were considerate and I was shy And I missed them, later, when we said goodbye Oberlin was once an underground railroad stop And that is how it felt to me I bought a musty book on Eleanor Roosevelt And the years that she spent free The girls at Kunsthalle gave me a warm corner to read They listened to my songs critiqued my feminine rhyme scheme They were deliberate and I was shy and I missed them, later when we said goodbye I lived in a pro-art fortress with ten thousand rooms If I'm brave and wage some music can I go back soon? On the road again for two more months in the spring Everyday broke cold and new On a clumsy quest to scrounge some art for myself. and to run away from you! I know when night falls they will take me in to the house and they will show me where the bathroom is and the couch and they will feed me something green to eat and before long before long and before long before long....*
11.
Come inside Come inside I've been waiting come inside Bright and broken, breaking open Bright and broken, breaking open Bright and broken, breaking open How dare you choose numbness over me? How dare you choose numbness over me? Bright and broken, breaking open Bright and broken, breaking open Bright and broken, breaking open Come inside come inside I've been waiting, come inside.
12.
Your heartbeat's mine so I'm bleeding all the time then you stop on a dime you say everything's just fine but your heartbreak's mine so I'm bleeding all the time then you stop on a dime you say everything's just fine arguing in a car outside the grocery store arguing near a sculpture in a field arguing in a car outside the grocery store til you've almost convinced me that what I'm seeing isn't real your heartbeat's mine so I'm bleeding all the time when you stop on a dime you say everything's just fine but your heart breaks mine so I'm bleeding all the time when you stop on a dime you say everything's just fine (oh, I think, this beautiful boy wants to break me sees my bright face wants to hold me and shake me then when I'm broken he'll gently forsake me oh say what you will, but I can't let him take me) All my brightness, all my sightness all my rightness, all my fightness all my brightness all my sightness all my rightness, all my fightness Your heart beats mine so I'm bleeding all the time then you stop on a dime and you say everything's just fine.

about

"Senza Amanti" is Italian for "Without Lovers". It comes from the classical music tradition of giving performance instructions in Italian. These are pieces meant to be performed without lovers, and they describe a period of my life when I was trying to live alone, after severe heartbreak, in the hope of gaining a better understanding of myself.

credits

released February 3, 2014

Words and music by Meaner Pencil (Lenna Pierce). Recording Tech/album midwife: Steve Nelson. Shaina Allison: producer. Album Art by Leigh McLinden. Blue Dragon Moon records.

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Meaner Pencil New York

Meaner Pencil is a singing cellist whose style is influenced by blues, post-punk, and romantic opera. She uses her songs to glorify everyday experiences and acts of kindness, but is also willing to face the darkness. She is often heard singing in the New York subway system late at night. Her newest album Senza Amanti, was named WFMU's new album of the day on March 23rd 2014 ... more

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